Although it is often stressed to children that their parents are divorcing each other and not the children, children often do not see a divorce that way.
Children feel not only that their worlds have been changed but that they might be the cause. They need reassurance and active demonstration that this is not the case.
According to Robert Hughes an Associate Professor in the Department of Human Development and Family Science at Ohio State University, ';Children of divorce are twice as likely as children living in non-divorced families to experience difficulties. Roughly 20% to 25% of these children will have problems...';
';Children from divorced families are more likely to have academic problems. They are more likely to be aggressive and get in trouble with school authorities or the police. These children are more likely to have low self-esteem and feel depressed. Children who grow up in divorced families often have more difficulties getting along with siblings, peers, and their parents. Also, in adolescence, they are more likely to engage in delinquent activities, to get involved in early sexual activity, and to experiment with illegal drugs. In adolescence and young adulthood, they are more likely to have some difficulty forming intimate relationships and establishing independence from their families';
Older children feel saddness and loss in addition.
Here's a site which lists the issues from a child's perspectives, it is a bit brief but it is a start and it does point out that there is hope that the home environment will be less emotionally charged and free of the tension between the parents:
http://www.divorcesource.com/info/childr鈥?/a>
It is important for divorcing parents to understand and agree not to verbally abuse each other via their children after the divorce. I've seen one side of it in a relative and it isn't pretty. Thank goodness for the child that it ocurred with one parent only.
Couples divorcing need to be able to talk to each other and not through an intermediary about the care, health, welfare, money, everything that has to do with their children. They need to be honest with each other - even if it is the first time they have done so - because there is no reason for the innocent victims to be victimized twice or repeatedly.
Plans have to be in place for who will take the carpools, who will take time off to take children for doctors' appointments, piano lessons, whatever. How holidays will be sent. There needs to be equity. More fathers these days are far more enlightened and involved with their children than we used to see. More mothers have serious job responsibilities. Recognition of these changes has still not reached many courts so these things need to be resolved first without recrimination.
I happen to think that counselling should be required before couples with children can divorce. Couselling for the parents and for the children. And for all parties together afterwards.
There is so much grief associated with divorce as it is, children should have all the help available.
There are many things couples can do to prepare their children for divorce if these parents know that divorce is inevitable. They need to be the adults and loving parents their children need them to be.Why do couples need to consider their childern before they divorce?
Because when a couple has children and they are thinking about getting a divorce it can really mess with the child/children.Considering that they aren't going to have a mom and a dad to come home to everyday, they have to go back and forth and it messes with there life.Why do couples need to consider their childern before they divorce?
When my [now ex] wife and I got married we always agreed that if we had children that whatever happened we would stay together while the kids were in education.We stopped loving each other years before I divorced her but waited until the youngest was 18 until we separated.
The kids had a good stable home life and during the years that my wife and I were going through the motions of being man and wife we both became good mates even though we did not love each other.
The kids are well adjusted, had 2 parents all the way through school and are all decent young men with good values, the kids get on well with both their mother and me who are still friends, we all go out together occasionally.
My ex wife and I stayed together because we both had a responsibility to our kids and both love our kids, we made the kids together and were both responsible for giving them the best opportunities in life and all the love and support that we could.
because it breaks up a family
it shakes up the child's world
they care about their kid more than anything
no one wants to ruin their child's life
What ';I hate you too'; said...
Uh? Is that a serious question?
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